Apologies and Friendships


What's something harder than apologizing? Apologizing for something you didn't do.

I don't know what to apologize for - really. I just know something is amiss. Something is weird. And I can feel the tension. And I've read something that was really hurtful. Really, really hurtful. And I know it's my fault for assuming immediately that what was written was for me without even confirming. But I'm pretty damn sure that was for me. I'm sure of it.

Given everything that transcribed these past days, it was obvious that there's a misunderstanding. And someone is being all too aggressive about it. I have to admit, what I read was like a really huge blow to me. I mean, the last time I was this hurt was because of my sister. And that is already a realization. I get hurt the most by people close to me, particularly my family. And I consider this person a part of my family.

And it seems maybe that person thinks otherwise. Maybe that person thinks I'm just an intruder trying to act all mighty and superior and whatnot. Maybe that person thinks I'm just being nosy. Well, that could be right but it can also be wrong.

I am very concerned about that person. Because that person is living far from home. Real home. And I, being this stupid person who thinks everyone needs her help, tried to reach out. I tried to be friendly and accommodating and interested. Because really I am interested in that person.

But it seems that person took it the wrong way. And that person felt bad about me trying to "meddle" in that person's affairs.


Right now, I'm really uncomfortable with this tension and silence. I just want this to end now even if it means I should be the one to reach out (again) and apologize for everything. I feel really bad. And stupid. And unwanted. I don't know what to think of anymore.

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