It's no secret that our family loves karaoke nights. Even my mom, whom I never heard sing in my entire twenty five years of living, enjoys listening to me, my sister, and my dad sing our hearts out. Every time we'd get together and enjoy sing-along nights, it was so much fun.
My dad loved singing. Every time he starts holding a microphone, he can sing for hours. And he was actually good at it. Actually, I think my sister got her talent in singing from our dad.
My most memorable song of him was Beautiful in My Eyes. My dad tried to perfect that song before. He'd keep on singing the same song over and over again until I'm getting pretty tired of hearing it. Now each time I hear that song playing, I will instantly, instantly think of my dad.
I was really close to my dad more than my mom before when I was still young. He'd always been my savior during times when mom was scolding me. I was daddy's little girl back then. There was actually a time when I thought my dad favors me more than my younger sister. But that was just me.
"When I and my mother will disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me
Yeah, yeah, then finally make me do just what my mama says"
But during college, we grew apart. A lot of things happened and I had these crazy issues about our family, about him. I got so angry at him. It was just... unbelievable. That hatred I allowed to consume me. It was unnecessary. It was immature. And just before he died, I was avoiding him. I wasn't talking to him. And I regret that. A lot.
If dad was still alive, he'd probably be so caught up in playing with my sister's one year old daughter, his granddaughter. He loves children and the children love him. He's a really warm, kind-hearted old man. Everyone loves him.
It's been three years now, and this Sunday it's going to be Father's Day. Sadly, we won't have our dad to celebrate that special day with.
I feel sad thinking of all the major events in my life that he'll be missing. I wanted him to approve of the guy I would love and would eventually marry. I wanted him to walk me down the aisle on the biggest day of my life. I wanted him to see my future kids and watch them grow up. I wanted to travel the world with him and mom. I want to finally buy him his own car. I want him and mom to enjoy the simple life, not worrying about what bills to pay.
I miss my dad. A lot. Especially now, with everything that is happening in my life. With all the thoughts that's running through my mind. I wish he was still here. I wish I can still talk to him and tell him how confused and scared I am. I wish he would be here to tell me that's everything's going to be okay.
I'm just emotional right now for no reason.