My Dad's Favorite Song

It's no secret that our family loves karaoke nights. Even my mom, whom I never heard sing in my entire twenty five years of living, enjoys listening to me, my sister, and my dad sing our hearts out. Every time we'd get together and enjoy sing-along nights, it was so much fun.

My dad loved singing. Every time he starts holding a microphone, he can sing for hours. And he was actually good at it. Actually, I think my sister got her talent in singing from our dad.

My most memorable song of him was Beautiful in My Eyes. My dad tried to perfect that song before. He'd keep on singing the same song over and over again until I'm getting pretty tired of hearing it. Now each time I hear that song playing, I will instantly, instantly think of my dad.

I was really close to my dad more than my mom before when I was still young. He'd always been my savior during times when mom was scolding me. I was daddy's little girl back then. There was actually a time when I thought my dad favors me more than my younger sister. But that was just me.

"When I and my mother will disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me
Yeah, yeah, then finally make me do just what my mama says"

But during college, we grew apart. A lot of things happened and I had these crazy issues about our family, about him. I got so angry at him. It was just... unbelievable. That hatred I allowed to consume me. It was unnecessary. It was immature. And just before he died, I was avoiding him. I wasn't talking to him. And I regret that. A lot.

If dad was still alive, he'd probably be so caught up in playing with my sister's one year old daughter, his granddaughter. He loves children and the children love him. He's a really warm, kind-hearted old man. Everyone loves him.

It's been three years now, and this Sunday it's going to be Father's Day. Sadly, we won't have our dad to celebrate that special day with.

I feel sad thinking of all the major events in my life that he'll be missing. I wanted him to approve of the guy I would love and would eventually marry. I wanted him to walk me down the aisle on the biggest day of my life. I wanted him to see my future kids and watch them grow up. I wanted to travel the world with him and mom. I want to finally buy him his own car. I want him and mom to enjoy the simple life, not worrying about what bills to pay.

I miss my dad. A lot. Especially now, with everything that is happening in my life. With all the thoughts that's running through my mind. I wish he was still here. I wish I can still talk to him and tell him how confused and scared I am. I wish he would be here to tell me that's everything's going to be okay.

I'm just emotional right now for no reason.

[LYRICS] He Is We - Blame It On The Rain

You, got me caught in all this mess.
I guess, we can blame it on the rain.
My pain is knowing I can’t have you,
I can’t have you.

Tell me does she look at you the way I do,
Try to understand the words you say,
and the way you move?
Does she get the same big rush,
When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?
Tell me am I crazy, or is this more than a crush?

I catch my breath,
The one you took the moment you entered the room.
My heart, it breaks at the thought of her holding you.

Does she look at you the way I do,
Try to understand the words you say,
and the way you move?
Does she get the same big rush,
When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?
Tell me am I crazy, or is this more than a crush?
(Is it more than a crush?)

Maybe I’m alone in this,
But I find peace in solitude knowing,
If I had but just one kiss this whole room,
Would be glowing.
We’d be glowing,
We’d be glowing.

Does she, tell me, does she look at you the way I do,
Try to understand the words you say,
and the way you move?
Does she get the same big rush,
When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?
Tell me am I crazy, or is this more than a crush?
(More than a crush)

Does she, tell me, does she look at you the way I do,
Try to understand the words you say,
and the way you move?
Does she get the same big rush,
When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?
Tell me am I crazy, or is this more than a crush?
(More than a crush)

Does she look at you the way I do,
Try to understand the words you say,
and the way you move?
Does she get the same big rush,
When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?
Tell me am I crazy, or is this more than a crush?

Tell me does she look at you the way I do,
Try to understand the words you say,
and the way you move?
Does she get the same big rush,
When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?
Tell me am I crazy, or is this more than a crush?

[LYRICS] Gary Allen - Today

Today he told her that he loved her
Put a ring around her finger
And promised her forever, together

Today, she smiled for all the pictures
And he was right there with her
Making all the memories without me

And it hurts to say this out loud
Looks like she's really gone now

Today is the happiest day of her life
I should be happy for her today
So tell me why are these tears in my eyes?
I know I should be happy for her

But I've lost everything
I've lost everything I've ever wanted today

Today I thought about the moment
I could have said I loved her
And promised her forever, together

Today, today it really hit me
That she don't really miss me
She's found a new beginning

And I'm wishing
I had one more chance
God knows it's too late for that

Today is the happiest day of her life
I should be happy for her today
So tell me why are these tears in my eyes?
I know I should be happy for her

But I've lost everything
I've lost everything I've ever wanted today

Today is the happiest day of her life
I should be happy for her
But I've lost everything
I've lost everything I've ever wanted

Today he told he that he loved her
Put a ring around her finger

[LYRICS] Taylor Swift - Speak Now

I am not the kind of girl
Who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion
But you are not the kind of boy
Who should be marrying the wrong girl

I sneak in and see your friends
And her snotty little family all dressed in pastel
And she is yelling at a bridesmaid
Somewhere back inside a room
Wearing a gown shaped like a pastry

This is surely not what you thought it would be
I lose myself in a daydream
Where I stand and say

Don’t say "Yes", run away now
I’ll meet you when you’re out of the church at the back door
Don’t wait or say a single vow
You need to hear me out
And they said, "Speak now"

Fond gestures are exchanged
And the organ starts to play
A song that sounds like a death march
And I am hiding in the curtains
It seems that I was uninvited by your lovely bride-to-be

She floats down the aisle like a pageant queen
But I know you wish it was me,
You wish it was me,
Don’t you?

Don’t say "Yes", run away now,
I’ll meet you when you’re out of the church at the back door.
Don’t wait or say a single vow,
You need to hear me out,
And they said, "Speak now".
Don’t say "Yes", run away now,
I’ll meet you when you’re out of the church at the back door.
Don’t wait or say a single vow,
Your time is running out,
And they said, "Speak now".

Oh, la, la
Oh, oh
Say a single vow

I hear the preacher say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace"
There’s the silence, there’s my last chance.
I stand up with shaky hands, all eyes on me.
Horrified looks from everyone in the room
But I’m only looking at you.

I am not the kind of girl
Who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion
But you are not the kind of boy
Who should be marrying the wrong girl

So, don’t say "Yes", run away now,
I’ll meet you when you’re out of the church at the back door.
Don’t wait or say a single vow,
You need to hear me out,
And they said, "Speak now".
And you’ll say "Let’s run away now,
I’ll meet you when I’m out of my tux at the back door.
Baby, I didn’t say my vows,
So glad you were around
When they said, "Speak now"

The One That Got Away

What a cheesy title to a blog post. LOL. Whatever.

I'm just feeling gloomy because the guy I really like - since I was 8 or 10 years old, I guess - is about to tie the knot with another girl in less than 10 days.

I hope they live together happily. I hope she makes him really happy and that she'll take care of him.

Childhood Nostalgia

While listening to one anime ost playlist on 8tracks, I had an idea to put up a list of my favorite childhood animes as well. I wonder if you'd watch any of these before. Here goes (in random order):

Boys Be

The anime focuses upon the ups and downs, joys and sorrows of first love and teenage romance. Six students struggle to find the perfect partner and their adolescent limitations. While several characters are taken from stories in the manga, the story of the anime is unrelated to the manga. Each episode begins and ends with a philosophical quote which sums up the episode's content.The anime, while centered on Kyoichi and Chiharu, revolves around seven or eight main characters and their love lives. (cr)

I love every episode of this anime. Such a good coming-of-age story that's interesting and fun to watch.

Ayashi no Ceres

Ceres, Celestial Legend is a fantasy shōjo manga series written by Yuu Watase. It was originally serialized in Shōjo Comic from May 1996 through March 2000. The chapters were also published by Shogakukan in fourteen collected volumes. The series focuses on Aya Mikage, who learns on her sixteenth birthday that she is the reincarnation of a celestial maiden named Ceres, and her twin brother Aki the reincarnation of Ceres' former husband, Mikagi. Ceres begins manifesting in Aya. To try to save her brother, Aya must find Ceres' lost celestial robe, while trying to avoid being killed or captured by her own family, who wants to use Ceres's supreme celestial abilities for their own personal gain. (cr)

I remember watching this anime on AXN even before Animax was popular. I think this was the first anime I've seen that borders on the more mature side. Yup.

Card Captor Sakura

The story focuses on Sakura Kinomoto, an elementary school student who discovers that she possesses magical powers after accidentally freeing a set of magical cards from the book they had been sealed in for years. She is then tasked with retrieving those cards in order to avoid an unknown catastrophe from befalling the world. (cr)

This has got to be my most favorite anime show of all time. I can't even explain it. I love every episode of it. I love the characters. I love the love-line between Sakura and Syaoran. Yes, I love their chemistry. Too cute. Haha.

So those are my top three anime shows from my childhood. What are yours?

It's All or Nothing for 2NE1's 2nd Manila Concert

Last Saturday, I was lucky to get the chance to watch 2NE1's All or Nothing Concert held at the Mall of Asia Arena.

A day before the concert, I was deeply contemplating on whether to actually buy a ticket or not. Although I am a really big fan of the K-pop group, I'm kind of worried about the cost. LOL. I'm a struggling 9-to-5 employee after all. But after half a day of weighing the pros and cons, I decided I must not let this opportunity to see the four ladies of YGE slip. This might be the last time they'll be holding a concert in Manila, for all I know. And besides, I've regretted (a lot!) not watching BIGBANG before. I don't want that to happen again.

So fast forward to D-day, I found myself standing in line, along with thousands of other Filipino Blackjacks, waiting for the venue gates to open. It was a very hot and humid Saturday afternoon and I just got out of the ER earlier that day. I knew I was pushing my limits but it's now or never.

The concert started at 08:30PM. The intro served its purpose well of hyping up the crowd and preparing us for the entrance of the queens of K-pop. Seriously, I like to refer to 2NE1 as queens because they just exude that royalty and power wherever they are.

They opened with their latest single, Crush, and everyone just went insane! Hearing and being able to scream "Nolza" along with thousands of other Blackjacks gave me goosebumps. It was so powerful. I don't know. It's just. Wow!

2NE1 was every inch total performers. They were full of energy all throughout the concert - singing, dancing, talking, jumping everywhere. It was crazy good! It's like a big party! Crazy good, definitely.

I wasn't able to remember the exact setlist but my favorite songs that they performed that night were Gotta Be You, Come Back Home (both versions), Fire, I Don't Care, I Am The Best, Ugly, Go way. I was expecting Falling In Love but sadly they did not perform it. Pfft. Still, everything was so good!

And it was actually the first time I heard CL's debut solo single, Baddest Female. What can I say? I like it! It's been stuck in my head ever since. "Now do the unni (Hey); Now do the unni (Hey)"

Oh! And I love Park Bom! She is AMAZING in Gotta Be You! Seriously! A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!

Dara has been my favorite member in 2NE1 when I first came across their group. But after seeing and hearing Park Bom, Bommie just went straight to the top of my bias list.

And Minzy! The maknae is all grown-up! She's sporting a new, longer and sleeker, red hair and it suits her very well. She looked so pretty! And she's got the best dance moves I've ever seen. Impressive!

Aside from 2NE1, there was also a short performance half-way through the concert by YGE's new boy group, Winner. Apparently, they have a huge following in my country as well even though they haven't debuted yet. It was also my first time to see them. They were quite good. Their song Just Another Boy was really catchy. I like it. Though I was a little bothered by that Minho because he resembles GD so much, especially with his moves.

Almost near the end of the concert, CL dropped a very heartwarming line. It was during the part where they brought the cakes on stage to celebrate their 5th Anniversary. It goes something like this but not the exact words I think.

"This is Dara's hometown, and I wish this was mine too."

That was really nice of her. It shows how much she fell in love with our country. I don't know. It just brings me so much joy and pride.

I can't believe it all ended so quickly. Two hours is just too short to marvel at 2NE1's magnificence. I'm so happy I made the right the decision to watch their concert. It was all worth it. Seeing them in person, watching them sing their hearts out. I hope to attend another 2NE1 concert in the future. I'm sure they'll be just as good then, if not even better performers.

BONUS: Here's a pic of the gorgeous Minzy - with Jollibee. LOL!

Rant, Rant, Rant!

My growing annoyance of this particular "person" is becoming so unhealthy I might die of heart attack any minute now. Seriously, his entire presence is just too much for me. I dislike seeing him. I dislike hearing him. I dislike the very idea of him being anywhere within 50 meters of my area. Ugh! Jerk.

I've been treated like a ghost the whole time I was here. It's like I was non-existent at all. This is just hell. I really need to do something about my situation quick. I can't imagine staying any longer. I'm 100% sure I'll die of irritation and anger.

Of The Movie Carrie and Its Take On Bullying

Have you seen the 2013 version of the movie Carrie?

I happen to have the chance to watch it two nights ago and it brought some thoughts to my mind. But first let me give you a brief idea on what Carrie is about - in case you’re clueless.

Carrie is a 2013 American supernatural horror film. It is a film adaptation of Stephen King's 1974 novel of the same name. The story [revolves around the life] of misfit high-school girl, Carrie White, who gradually discovers that she has telekinetic powers. Repressed by a domineering, ultra-religious mother and tormented by her peers at school, her efforts to fit in lead to a dramatic confrontation during the senior prom. (cr)

But instead of doing a movie review, which I admit I’m not so good at, I’ll be talking about the other dominant theme in the movie – bullying.

Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose. (cr)

The character of Chris Hargensen in the movie was evil personified. Okay maybe I was exaggerating a little. But seriously, her character is my definition of the ultimate bully. Not only does she torture Carrie physically, she also messes with her mentally and emotionally. I mean, seriously, how can she be so evil?

Setting that thought aside, I believe there is a little bit of Carrie in every one of us. A Carrie who’s scared to mingle, a mis-fit who lacks socializing skills. A person who gets bullied for being “different” or “non-conforming”.

To tell you the truth, I was also bullied in school. Initially, it was more of the name-calling, teasing stuff. I've probably heard all the usual names, me being the overweight girl. Then one day, for some reason I can’t really recall, I got beaten up by two guys from my class during middle school. I remember trying to defend myself from these guys and that no one has bothered to help me. I don't remember how I got home that day. I guess they just lost interest in me and decided to leave me alone. I did not report that incident to my teacher. And I never told anyone about that, even my parents, until just recently. 

I’d be lying if I say that that point in my life never had any effect on me. Actually, it has. And it did a great deal of damage to my self-esteem.

Like Carrie, I've been scared to open myself up to people. I chose to be by myself, turning only to my family for support. I've been avoiding people like the plague. That was my way of dealing with the bullying.

I believe different people have different ways of dealing with the experience of bullying. Sadly, I've even heard of some who were unable to handle the pressure and thus ended up committing suicide. People ending their lives because they've lost the strength to put up with hearing heartless, insensitive comments from other people. That’s really disheartening to know.

Bullying is not acceptable and it never will be. Whatever reason that bully might come up with to defend his or her actions of hurting another person is never, ever going to be valid.

As for you, or anyone who has experienced or is experiencing bullying, don’t give up. Don’t let these bullies get to you. Don’t think that you deserve what is happening to you. No one deserves to be bullied. Just because these bullies think that you’re different from them do not give them the authority to treat you badly. Stand up for yourself. Or seek help. Whichever you think is a better way for you.

I’ll tell you this, you are beautiful in your own way. You have to be yourself. Don’t let others control your life. You are born to be yourself. These bullies, they may have their own reasons for acting as such, but never, ever let them control your life. Focus on the positive things in your life. Focus on the happy thoughts and the people who care for you. These are the more important things in your life that you have to value and cherish.

Having gone through bullying myself, I won’t lie and tell you that I’m perfectly fine now. But I am getting there. It’s not an easy feat but it’s not impossible either. I believe I can do it. You should too. 

Believe in yourself. And love yourself. 

Three words: NEVER, EVER SETTLE.

Of course when you’re just starting on something new, you don’t instantly think of getting out of it right? You just have to give it that benefit of the doubt.

The moment I started working for this company, I’ve been observing. A lot. Because I’ve been hearing a lot from the other employees as well. Negative. Positive. But I chose to see for myself. Learn it on my own. 

So now, after almost two years, I’ve seen enough. Negative and positive. And just early this morning, I had a talk with my mom. About work. About how unstable my supposedly stable career is. And she told me how I should not let myself settle for something lesser when I can actually move on to something better. For my life. For my future.

And I believe her. I know she’s right.

It took me a long time to accept the fact that this isn’t really going anywhere. Not only was I not learning anything new, I wasn’t even getting paid enough to be financially free. And besides, I was never, ever shown any kind of appreciation for my work done. No form of motivation at all. And that’s making this job all the more complicated.

And as much as I don’t want to think about it, I’m starting to not like it. A lot.

Never, ever settle. 

When you settle for something less, it shows how much you put value in yourself. Thinking you’re not worthy for something bigger and better equates to you looking down on your abilities. And you should never, ever think of yourself unworthy.

“You are kind, smart, and important.”

I heard this line from one of my closest colleague. Apparently she got it from the movie The Help. It may not be the exact line but it has the same context. You have to give credit to yourself. Believe in yourself. Believe that you are worth more. 

Surprisingly, I'm feeling better while writing this post. It's like a feel-good update. It's really, really important to love yourself. How you treat yourself sets the standard for how others will treat you as well.

I hope you all have a good day ahead of you now! 

And remember to never, ever settle for something less.

Venting Out

That moment when you get firsthand experience of how life can get so unfair. This is just too much. I’ve been doing my job, all the tasks needed from me. It should be about the end-product. It should be about the final outcome. What has been happening?

I don’t get this crappy company at all. This is just crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. All I can say is crap because I don’t want to curse or utter profanities just because I’m too mad right now. This crappy environment, this crappy workload, this crappy wage, all these are just stupid.

I know, I’m not supposed to let things get the better of me. But I just have to let this steam off or else I’m definitely going to explode. This is stupid. This. All these crap. Doesn’t make sense at all. How can they treat their employees like this?

Crappy work. Ugh. I need to get out of here!

Anawangin Cove: Tranquility with Nature

“Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, or worn. It is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace & gratitude.” 
~ Denis Waitley ~

A First For Me: Solo Travel

Liberating. That's how I felt when I went on a solo backpacking trip to Sagada. I've been planning this since last year and finally it pushed through. So many thoughts were running through my head after arriving at the station to ride a bus headed for Baguio - my gateway to Sagada.

"Can I really do this alone?"

"What if something bad happens to me?"

"What if my pocket money is not enough?"

"Will I enjoy on my own?"

After the recent bus accidents on the news, my family was really scared to let me go. But they did not object though. It's like a silent protest but still I pushed through with my plans.

It was a different kind of rush. The moment the bus left the station, I felt like "this really is happening!" I'm really going to a far away place on my own, with nothing but my thirst for adventure and my determination to not give up on myself.

What was it like to go on a trip alone?

It was different. For one, you don't have to worry about anyone else aside from yourself. You make decisions based on yourself only. You eat where you want to, when you want to, what you want to. You have total control of the time.

You'll also learn to be brave. Because that's the only choice you have considering you're on your own now. And me being an introvert and painfully shy person, that was a real challenge. Asking questions, for example, took more courage from me than most people. But thankfully, I somehow managed to overcome my fear of talking to people.

Liberating. It felt like a challenge but at the same time a privilege as well. Going on a solo trip, not many people can do that. And thinking that I did it is enough for me believe in myself more. To believe that I can do it. I can do anything if I really put my mind on it. If I trust myself more.

I'm happy I made this trip. It's a memory I will forever cherish in my mind. I hope to go on other solo trips in the future.

How To Find Satisfaction In Life?

This isn't going to be one of those articles enumerating the different ways on how one can find satisfaction in life. I'm as clueless to that as you are, really. This is going to be one of those rant-ridden post. Yeah. So here goes.

Lately, I've been distracted - once again. I've been thinking a lot about things. I'm doubting my career choice. 

I graduated with a degree in civil engineering a few years ago. I'm on my third year as a working woman now and I'm being plagued by questions about my life. My career. My field of choice. 

My job. 

What am I doing with my job right now? I am not the most diligent employee in my workplace, that's for sure. I don't like what I'm doing. But I don't know what to do about it. Or rather I'm still afraid to do something about it. Because I don't have the courage yet to take a big leap of faith once again. To drop everything and pursue something I love. My passion. So here I am. Stuck on doing something I love to hate.

They say there's no perfect job. That you have to learn how to be happy with your job. But why can't I find happiness with what I'm doing? I'm trying. I think I'm trying hard enough. Or maybe I'm not.

I feel inadequate. Unsuccessful. I feel like I'm not making any progress at all in my life. Such negativity, I know. But I can't help it. This work is not doing it for me. I'm not learning anything new from it. So... I feel unsatisfied.

How to get back on track? Hmm..

Sagada's The Lemon Pie House

During my stay in Sagada, I made sure to try and eat at the famous Lemon Pie House. Almost all blogs I've read recommended it so I decided to give it a try.

On my second day, after my exhausting tour highlighted by spelunking at Sumaguing Cave, I made my way to The Lemon Pie House. I got there around 02:00PM so it was pretty much deserted already. I was actually the only customer that time. 

The first thing I noticed when I entered the place was the small, wooden chairs and tables. It was like a location for a daycare or something. It was so cute! Then on the other side there were low tables where diners get to eat while sitting on the floor with pillows as cushions. It's like those traditional Korean restaurants. Nice and quaint

I settled for the small chairs rather than sitting on the floor. I'm scared I might get cramps. Hah. I ordered Chicken Adobo with Rice and Lemon tea. The serving was huge! The plate consists of like 3/4 chicken adobo and 1/4 rice.

Sadly, there was nothing worth praising in the Chicken Adobo. It was your usual chicken adobo cooked with potatoes and carrots this time. The taste was a little bland for me. I think it needs more salt. The Lemon Tea was okay. It was too lemon-y for my taste. I'm not a fan of lemon meh. I just have to try this for myself. It was also kind of thick, I reckon that's from the lemon syrup thingy I saw them mixing with the tea.

After the main course, I ordered a slice of Lemon Pie because you can't leave Sagada without trying their Lemon Pie. How was it? For me, honestly, I did not liked it. Why? Because again it is too lemon-y for my taste.

Overall, my Lemon Pie House experience was just average. The interiors were good, quaint, and warm. It's a good place to hang-out, catch-up with friends and just chill over some pies and teas.

For everyone that's planning to go to Sagada, I'd still recommend for you to try this restaurant. It's a must! Taste varies from person to person so might as well make sure to give it a try yourselves. You might like it much more than me.

Sagada's Yoghurt House

I had my very first meal in Sagada at the Yoghurt House. It was just a short walk from where I'm staying which was at St. Joseph's Inn.

The place was a 2-story building with a big "Yoghurt House" sign in front. The ground floor was deserted but I can hear people from the second floor so I guess that's were all they were lounging. As for me, I opted to stay at the ground floor.

Entering the place, I didn't really find anything unusual. It was nice and quaint. There were framed paintings hanging on the walls and a sign was put up saying not to take pictures of the pictures. LOL. But aside from that, nothing too fancy for my taste.

One thing that got me though was that there were too many flies. Seriously, it was annoying swatting left and right.

Moving on, I ordered some Roasted Eggplant in Basil Pasta and a Banana Lassie for lunch. I found the pasta to my liking. It wasn't overcooked and was seasoned just right. The eggplant blended perfectly with the pasta. It was delicious! Plus, it has a huge serving! Yay!

But... The lassie.. Was it supposed to be served at room temperature though? I had a lassie before at Mister Kabab and it was served cold. So I was rather disappointed because I was expecting a cold drink to quench my thirst after walking for like forever.

Unfortunately, I was not able to try their house specialty: yoghurt with strawberry, banana, and granola. Maybe next time I will surely try it for myself!

Still, I was satisfied with everything about the Yoghurt House. A must try if you're planning on visiting Sagada!

Back From Sagada

"Reading about nature is fine, but if a person walks in the woods and listens carefully, he can learn more than what is in books, for they speak with the voice of God.
George Washington Carver

Riding Solo

For the first time in my twenty four (almost twenty five in just two months) years of existence, I will embark on a solo backpacking trip. Sagada here I come!
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